Wife wanted

One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

hell

There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married - now he is going through Hell!!!

The driver

Wife : You have to fire that driver !!!
Husband : Why ,baby ???
wife: we would made an accident towice and he would kill me .

Husband : well,we may give him third chance

Usual Suspect

While prosecuting a robbery case, I conducted an interview with the arresting officer. My first question: "Did you see the defendant at the scene?"

"Yes, from a block away," the officer answered.

Marriage Secrets

When I asked a friend the secret to his 52 years of marriage, he replied, "We never go to sleep angry."

"That's a great philosophy," I noted.

"Yes. And the longest we've been awake so far is five days."

Wife was mad at me

Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.

She went on and on and wouldn't stop!

The other Buddy says when my wife goes off on me I just don't listen.

How do you do that? Says the other.

It's easy! I turn off the light!

worries and troubles

Boy: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries and troubles and lighten your burden.
"Girl: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.
"Boy: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet."

What do you like most in me ??

A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?
"He looked at her from head to toe and replied,

"I like your sense of humor."

The wife photo

Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?
"Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."
Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
"Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself, 'what problem could be greater than this one?'"

Short Jokes

Husband: You have to admit that men have much better judgement than women.
Wife: You're right. You married me and I married you.
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Fred: Have you ever seen one of those machines that can tell when someone is telling a lie?
Joe: Seen one? I married one
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Policeman: I am sorry to have to tell you this Mr Brown, but you wife has just fallen into the wishing well and drowned.
Mr Brown: It works!
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Wife: What do you mean coming home half drunk at this time of night?
Husband: It's not my fault - I ran out of money.
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Husband: Let's go out on the town tonight and have some fun.
Wife: Yeah, but if you get home before me, remember to leave the front door open.
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Man to marriage counselor: "My wife and I can't agree on our vacation.
I want to go to Bermuda and she wants to go with me."
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A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Pack up your things! I just won the lottery!" His wife replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
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There are two times a man does'nt understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage!
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Will be Continued

What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?

Divorce him
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What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?

Marriage.
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Will be Continued


A boy says, "Daddy, Daddy, I want to get married!" The father says, "For that son, you have to have a boy and a girl." The son says, "I've found a girl." "Who?" "My grandmother." "Let me get this straight," the father says. "You want to marry my mother? You can't do that." "Well, why not?" the son says. "You married mine!"
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Will be Continued