Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Showing posts with label About women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label About women. Show all posts
Friday, July 23, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
What's in a name?
A guy was invited to some old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Jaanu, etc.
The guy was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years. While the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy: "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names."
His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth," he said, "I forgot her name about ten years ago."
The guy was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years. While the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy: "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names."
His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth," he said, "I forgot her name about ten years ago."
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Love Cards
Young college girl at the local greetings cards store.
Girl: Do you have any sentimental Love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says: To the only boy I ever loved.
Girl: Great! I want 10 of them.
Girl: Do you have any sentimental Love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says: To the only boy I ever loved.
Girl: Great! I want 10 of them.
Monday, October 12, 2009
mama so fat
Yo mama so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.
Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.
Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
Saturday, September 12, 2009
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Spell a Word
A woman found herself standing at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted her and said, "These are the Gates to Heaven, my dear. But you must do one more thing before you can enter."
The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do.
"Spell a word," St. Peter replied.
"What word?" she asked.
"Any word," answered St. Peter. "It’s your choice."
The woman promptly replied, "Then the word I will spell is love. L-O-V-E."
St. Peter welcomed her in, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he took a break. So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter’s chair when a man approaches the gates, and she realizes it is her husband.
"What happened?" she cried, "Why are you here?"
Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said, "I was so upset when I left your funeral, I got in an accident. Did I really make it to Heaven?"
"Not yet," she replied, "You must spell a word first."
"What word?" he asked.
The woman responded, "Czechoslovakia."
The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do.
"Spell a word," St. Peter replied.
"What word?" she asked.
"Any word," answered St. Peter. "It’s your choice."
The woman promptly replied, "Then the word I will spell is love. L-O-V-E."
St. Peter welcomed her in, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he took a break. So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter’s chair when a man approaches the gates, and she realizes it is her husband.
"What happened?" she cried, "Why are you here?"
Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said, "I was so upset when I left your funeral, I got in an accident. Did I really make it to Heaven?"
"Not yet," she replied, "You must spell a word first."
"What word?" he asked.
The woman responded, "Czechoslovakia."
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Female Versus Male
Q: Why are men like blenders?
A: You need one but you're not quite sure why.
Q: Why is food better than a man?
A: You don't have to wait an hour for seconds.
Q: What's a man's idea of helping to make the bed?
A: He gets out..
Q: Why are men and parking spots similar?
A: The good ones are already taken and the ones left are handicapped.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: ONE! men will screw anything.
Q: What do toilet seats, anniversaries and a clitoris have in common?
A: Men miss them all.
Q: How do you keep a man interested after marriage?
A: Wear perfume that smells like beer.
Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: She starts the sentance with "A man once told me..."
Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: That's not the point, what's she doing out of the kitchen?
Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured outwomen?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't know it has never happened.
Q: Why are there only snowmen and no snowomen?
A: Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow all Winter.
Q: Why don't men get Mad Cow disease?
A: Because men are pigs.
Q: Why are guys like lawn mowers?
A: They emit foul odors, are hard to get started, and do not last for long.
Q: Why are men like laxatives?
A: They irritate the shit out of you.
Q: Why did God create man?
A: Because vibrators don't mow lawns.
Q: What are two reasons men don't mind their own business?
A: No mind-No business.
Q: Why is it hard for a women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
Q: How is a man like a snowstorm?
A: You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
Q: Why are men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they don't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Q: Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A: Because they're all pigs.
Q: What is the main difference between men and boys?
A: Men's toys cost more money.
A: You need one but you're not quite sure why.
Q: Why is food better than a man?
A: You don't have to wait an hour for seconds.
Q: What's a man's idea of helping to make the bed?
A: He gets out..
Q: Why are men and parking spots similar?
A: The good ones are already taken and the ones left are handicapped.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: ONE! men will screw anything.
Q: What do toilet seats, anniversaries and a clitoris have in common?
A: Men miss them all.
Q: How do you keep a man interested after marriage?
A: Wear perfume that smells like beer.
Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: She starts the sentance with "A man once told me..."
Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: That's not the point, what's she doing out of the kitchen?
Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured outwomen?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't know it has never happened.
Q: Why are there only snowmen and no snowomen?
A: Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow all Winter.
Q: Why don't men get Mad Cow disease?
A: Because men are pigs.
Q: Why are guys like lawn mowers?
A: They emit foul odors, are hard to get started, and do not last for long.
Q: Why are men like laxatives?
A: They irritate the shit out of you.
Q: Why did God create man?
A: Because vibrators don't mow lawns.
Q: What are two reasons men don't mind their own business?
A: No mind-No business.
Q: Why is it hard for a women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
Q: How is a man like a snowstorm?
A: You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
Q: Why are men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they don't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Q: Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A: Because they're all pigs.
Q: What is the main difference between men and boys?
A: Men's toys cost more money.
Male VS Female
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Q: Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?
A: Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.
Q: Why are hangovers better than women?
A: Hangovers will go away.
Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink.
Q: How do you know when a women's about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't...there's a clock on the oven!
I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts:"I wanna know your name..."
Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
Q: What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
A: 1.No mind.a: 2.No business.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" and I said, "Dust!"
Q: Why do women like intelligent men?
A: Opposites attract.
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Q: Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?
A: Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.
Q: Why are hangovers better than women?
A: Hangovers will go away.
Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink.
Q: How do you know when a women's about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't...there's a clock on the oven!
I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts:"I wanna know your name..."
Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
Q: What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
A: 1.No mind.a: 2.No business.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" and I said, "Dust!"
Q: Why do women like intelligent men?
A: Opposites attract.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Third Times a Charm
Some newly married friends were visiting us when the topic of children came up. The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband demurred, saying two would be enough for him. They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he'd put an end to things, saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy."
Without a moment's hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one like it's your own!"
Without a moment's hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one like it's your own!"
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Female Hormones
"Yesterday scientists in the USA revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive..."
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Divorce Joke
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"
Friday, June 26, 2009
Girls and computers
CD-ROM
GIRLS She is always faster and faster.
***********
EMAIL GIRLS
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense .
***********
HARD DISK GIRLS
she remembers everything, FOREVER
***********
INTERNET GIRLS
Difficult to access
***********
MULTIMEDIA GIRLS
She make horrible thing look beautiful
***********
SCREENSAVER GIRLS
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun
***********
RAM GIRLS
she forget about you, the moment turn her off
***********
WINDOW GIRLS
everyone know that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
***********
VIRUS GIRLS Also known as "wife''
when you are not expecting her, she comes, install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if don't try you uninstall her you will lose everything..
***********
SERVER GIRLS
Always busy when you need her.
GIRLS She is always faster and faster.
***********
EMAIL GIRLS
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense .
***********
HARD DISK GIRLS
she remembers everything, FOREVER
***********
INTERNET GIRLS
Difficult to access
***********
MULTIMEDIA GIRLS
She make horrible thing look beautiful
***********
SCREENSAVER GIRLS
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun
***********
RAM GIRLS
she forget about you, the moment turn her off
***********
WINDOW GIRLS
everyone know that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
***********
VIRUS GIRLS Also known as "wife''
when you are not expecting her, she comes, install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if don't try you uninstall her you will lose everything..
***********
SERVER GIRLS
Always busy when you need her.
Monday, June 22, 2009
What Women Want In A Man
- Women Want in a Man. Age 20
- Handsome
- Charming
- Financially successful
- A caring listener
- Witty
- In good shape
- Dresses with style
- Appreciates finer things
- Full of thoughtful surprises
- An imaginative, romantic lover
- Nice looking [prefer hair on his head]
- Opens car doors, holds chairs
- Has enough money for a nice dinner
- Listens more than talks
- Laughs at my jokes
- Carries bags of groceries with ease
- Owns at least one tie
- Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
- Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
- Seeks romance at least once a week
- Women Want in a Man. Age 40
- Not too ugly [bald head OK]
- Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
- Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
- Nods head when I'm talking
- Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
- Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
- Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
- Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
- Remembers to put the toilet seat down
- Shaves most weekends
- Women Want in a Man. Age 50
- Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
- Doesn't belch or scratch in public
- Doesn't borrow money too often
- Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
- Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
- Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
- Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
- Appreciates a good TV dinner
- Remembers your name on occasion
- Shaves some weekends
- Women Want in a Man. Age 60
- Doesn't scare small children
- Remembers where bathroom is
- Doesn't require much money for upkeep
- Only snores lightly when asleep
- Remembers why he's laughing
- Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
- Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
- Likes soft foods
- Remembers where he left his teeth
- Remembers that it's the weekend
- Women Want in a Man. Age 70+
- Breathing
- Doesn't miss the toilet
A Woman Should Have
- Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to...
- Something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
- A youth she's content to leave behind....
- A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....
- A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
- One friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...
- A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
- Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honoured...
- A feeling of control over her destiny.
- How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...
- when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
- Where to go, be it to her best friend's kitchen table, or a charming inn in the woods; when her soul needs soothing...
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Murphy's laws on girls
1. If u think a girl is beautiful, she'll always have a boyfriend to confirm that
2. The nicer she is...the quicker u will be dumped!!!!!
3. The more the makeup, worse the looks...
4. "99% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 1% would always be in your company."............ .....100% true
5. The guy standing next to a beautiful girl can never be her brother.
6. If by any chance the girl you like , likes you too, she will let you know in about 10 years from now ,when you are committed..
7. The more you ignore a girl, the more she'll want to be friends with you.
8. Theory of relativity.. ....
The more u run towards a hot chick....the more she goes away from u...
9. Rule 1: Even if you got her out alone... Just when you are about to let her know about your feelings...she will spot a long lost friend( I guess from Kumbh ka Mela)
Corollary to rule 1: The more desperate you are to tell your feelings to a girl on a private chat, the more probability the long lost friend she discovered is a handsome superman, who beats you in everything 9:1
Axiom 1: The more dedicated you are to the girl, the longer it takes before things work out, but ultimately it will (somesmile for the guys)
10. The day the chick you really like comes and speaks to you will be the day when-
1. You are dressed badly2. You forgot to brush your teeth for the first time in your life3.Have a bad hair day
11. All the good girls are either nuns or married .the rest go around with u and ruin ur money,health and leave u a total wreck.
12. The more seriously u like a girl...the more seriously her dad will hate u
13. The love you shower a girl with is directly proportional to the number of bullets her dad will be showering at you
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Join Us (work at hom)
