Showing posts with label defenitions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label defenitions. Show all posts
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Marriage
Marriage is grand... and divorce is about 10 grand.
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!).
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!).
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
SHOULD YOU GET MARRIED?
Men who can answer "yes" to five or more of these questions should consider carefully before proposing marriage:
* In the kitchen, has she ever referred to an oven as "that square thing?"
* Does she use the phrase "you know" more than twice per sentence?
* Is she making monthly payments of more than $300 to a plastic surgeon.
* Have you noticed her name tattooed on three or more local bikers?
* Have you noticed three or more local bikers' names tattooed on her?
* Does she regularly compare your love-making talents to an old boyfriend's?
* Does she regularly compare your love-making talents to the Green Bay Packers?
* Does she have a wholesale source for Deodorant-in-a-Drum?
* Has she ever used the word poo-poo?
* If forced to use it at all, does she choose to spell the word sex?
* Does her resume include a six-year stint at Big Leg Emma's House of Painful Delights?
Women who can answer "yes" to five or more of these questions should consider carefully before accepting a proposal of marriage:
* On his first date with you, did he pick you up early so you could help with his laundry?
* To reach him in an emergency, would anyone think to call the local adult bookstore?
* Has he ever bragged about seeing every episode of "Gilligan's Island" at least four times?
* Is it unclear to some people whether that's a mustache or just a lot of unruly nose hair?
* Is his idea of a classy restaurant one where every table has its own stack of ketchup packets?
* Does his car get more than sixty miles per gallon?
* Does the label on his deodorant include the phrase "Industrial Strength?"
* Has he memorized the telephone number of at least one bail-bondsman?
* In the kitchen, has she ever referred to an oven as "that square thing?"
* Does she use the phrase "you know" more than twice per sentence?
* Is she making monthly payments of more than $300 to a plastic surgeon.
* Have you noticed her name tattooed on three or more local bikers?
* Have you noticed three or more local bikers' names tattooed on her?
* Does she regularly compare your love-making talents to an old boyfriend's?
* Does she regularly compare your love-making talents to the Green Bay Packers?
* Does she have a wholesale source for Deodorant-in-a-Drum?
* Has she ever used the word poo-poo?
* If forced to use it at all, does she choose to spell the word sex?
* Does her resume include a six-year stint at Big Leg Emma's House of Painful Delights?
Women who can answer "yes" to five or more of these questions should consider carefully before accepting a proposal of marriage:
* On his first date with you, did he pick you up early so you could help with his laundry?
* To reach him in an emergency, would anyone think to call the local adult bookstore?
* Has he ever bragged about seeing every episode of "Gilligan's Island" at least four times?
* Is it unclear to some people whether that's a mustache or just a lot of unruly nose hair?
* Is his idea of a classy restaurant one where every table has its own stack of ketchup packets?
* Does his car get more than sixty miles per gallon?
* Does the label on his deodorant include the phrase "Industrial Strength?"
* Has he memorized the telephone number of at least one bail-bondsman?
Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Some marriage defenitions
“Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can’t help but smile on it.”
“Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. ” How about the groom ?
“The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin. ”
“Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner. “, but of course!
A comparison between marriage an bank accounts, “Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. ”
“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” be very very scared if you are a man!!
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. ” This one is a very funny marriage quote.
“Marriage: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all two.” A sad marriage quote, sad for the mankind.
This one is a funny marriage quote that you can send your going-to-be-married-best-friend “Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the ‘Y’ becomes silent!”
This is a very true saying on marriage”The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” A kid wants love between their parents than everything else.
” The secret to having a good marriage is to understand that marriage must be total, it must be permanent, and it must be equal.” The lack of it thereof is the cause of all ruinations.
This is really true, and must be read again and again by every parent who fights. ” Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”
I just love this, “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, alwayswith the same person.”
This is a divorce saying “Divorce to like an amputation. Sometimes it’s necessary but it should be avoided if at all possible because it brings about a permanent disability.” but suited here too.
And we must always remember that ” Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends.”
“Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.”
“Love at first sight is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.”
A man doesn’t know what happiness is until he’s married. By then it’s too late.
“There are two dilemmas that rattle the human skull: How do you hang on to someone who won’t stay? And how do you get rid of someone who won’t go?”
And Groucho Marx at his wittiest best with, “Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.”
“I have always considered marriage as the most interesting event of one’s life, the foundation of happiness or misery.”
This one by Bertrand Russel puts a stark reality to the institution of marriage, his generalization notwithstanding “Marriage is for woman the commonest mode of livelihood, and the total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution.”
And a sad truth, “Wives are young men’s mistresses, companions for middle age, and old men’s nurses.”
“Those marriages generally abound most with love and constancy that are preceded by a long courtship.”
“I’m never going to get married again. Three strikes you’re out. I think if I would try to get married again in California I have to go to prison don’t I? I think you only get three.”
“Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. ” How about the groom ?
“The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin. ”
“Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner. “, but of course!
A comparison between marriage an bank accounts, “Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. ”
“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” be very very scared if you are a man!!
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. ” This one is a very funny marriage quote.
“Marriage: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all two.” A sad marriage quote, sad for the mankind.
This one is a funny marriage quote that you can send your going-to-be-married-best-friend “Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the ‘Y’ becomes silent!”
This is a very true saying on marriage”The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” A kid wants love between their parents than everything else.
” The secret to having a good marriage is to understand that marriage must be total, it must be permanent, and it must be equal.” The lack of it thereof is the cause of all ruinations.
This is really true, and must be read again and again by every parent who fights. ” Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”
I just love this, “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, alwayswith the same person.”
This is a divorce saying “Divorce to like an amputation. Sometimes it’s necessary but it should be avoided if at all possible because it brings about a permanent disability.” but suited here too.
And we must always remember that ” Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends.”
“Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.”
“Love at first sight is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.”
A man doesn’t know what happiness is until he’s married. By then it’s too late.
“There are two dilemmas that rattle the human skull: How do you hang on to someone who won’t stay? And how do you get rid of someone who won’t go?”
And Groucho Marx at his wittiest best with, “Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.”
“I have always considered marriage as the most interesting event of one’s life, the foundation of happiness or misery.”
This one by Bertrand Russel puts a stark reality to the institution of marriage, his generalization notwithstanding “Marriage is for woman the commonest mode of livelihood, and the total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution.”
And a sad truth, “Wives are young men’s mistresses, companions for middle age, and old men’s nurses.”
“Those marriages generally abound most with love and constancy that are preceded by a long courtship.”
“I’m never going to get married again. Three strikes you’re out. I think if I would try to get married again in California I have to go to prison don’t I? I think you only get three.”
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