Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The ATM Drive-through

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: “Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, Male and Female procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.

Procedure for Men :
Drive up to the ATM (cash machine).
  • Wind down your car window.
  • Insert card into ATM and enter PIN.
  • Enter amount of cash required and take the notes.
  • Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
  • Wind-up window.
  • Drive off.

  • Procedure for Women:

    Drive up to cash machine.
  • Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the ATM.
  • Set parking brake, put the window down. Find handbag, remove all contents on to
  • passenger seat, finally locate the card.
  • Tell girl friend on mobile phone that you will call her back and hang up. Attempt to insert card into machine.
  • Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its distance from the car. Insert debit card.
  • Re-insert card the right way.
  • Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the address page.
  • Enter PIN.
  • Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
  • Enter amount of cash required.
  • Take a quick peek at yourself in rear view mirror.
  • Retrieve notes and receipt
  • Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
  • Write debit amount in cheque register and place receipt in back of chequebook.
  • Re-check makeup.
  • Drive forward 2 feet.
  • Reverse back to cash machine.
  • Retrieve card.
  • Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
  • Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you
  • Restart stalled engine and pull off.
  • Redial person on cell phone.
  • Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
  • Release Parking Brake
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