1) SIMPLE DUTIES
You go out to buy her flowers: +5But return with beer: -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0You check out a suspicious noise and it’s nothing: 0You check out a suspicious noise and it’s something: +5You pummel it with a six iron: +10It’s her cat: -10
2) SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party: 0You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a drinking buddy: -2Named Tiffany: -4Tiffany is a dancer: -6Tiffany has implants: -8
3) SATURDAY AFTERNOONS
You visit her parents: +1You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3And the television is off: -6You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear: -6And you didn’t even go to college: -10And it’s not really your underwear: -15
4) HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner: 0You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar: +1Okay, it is a sports bar: -2And it’s all-you-can-eat night: -3It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team: -10
You give her a gift: 0You give her a gift, and it’s a small appliance: -10You give her a gift, and it’s not a small appliance: +1You give her a gift, and it isn’t chocolate: +2You give her a gift that you’ll be paying off for months: +30You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day: -10With her credit card: -30And whatever you bought is two sizes too big: -40
5) THOUGHTFULNESS
You forget to pick her up at the bus station: -25Which is in Newark, New Jersey: -35And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast: -50
6) A NIGHT OUT WITH YOUR PALS
You have a few beers: -9For every beer after three, -2 againAnd miss curfew by an hour: -12You get home at 3 a.m.: -20You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and cheap cigars: -30And not wearing any pants: -40Is that a tattoo? -200
7) A NIGHT OUT, JUST THE TWO OF YOU
You go see a comic: +2He’s crude and sexist: -2You laugh: -5You laugh too much: -10She’s not laughing: -15You laugh harder: -25
8) DRIVING
You lose the directions on a trip: -4You lose the directions and end up getting lost: -10You end up getting lost in a bad part of town: -15You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals: -25She finds out you lied about having a black belt: -60
9) COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk, you listen, displaying a concerned expression: +20When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes: +5You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the television: +10She realizes this is because you’ve fallen asleep: -10
No comments:
Post a Comment